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Buy the RPF book "Capital Boozing"
All the reviews in one convenient package
In essence, a congested one way system spanning the City and the East End. Whilst it possesses some gems, it suffers from a lack of any focal centre.
Burnt out TV station on the top of a hill, as featured in Doctor Who
Beloved hangout of rich dinkys, there is in fact little to recommend Balham apart from the fact that having both train and tube lines means it's fairly easy to escape.
East London's lunatic fringe, isolated from the rest of the capital by the sweeping arc of the North Circular. Legendary market and notoriously extremist politics, coupled with drunken lunatics milling around the giant metal sheds that pass for nightclubs in the area, can make for an incendiary Saturday night mix.
Completely inaccessible but rather lovely village hidden by a bend in the river. Manages with aplomb to convey the illusion that it has nothing to do with the rest of the city. Several traditional pubs, some leaning rather too heavily into gastro territory.
Wealthy, labyrinthine and rather beautiful Islington backwater, containing street upon street of unspoilt Georgian terraces. Some decent pubs hidden off the main streets.
A poor man's Chelsea
Throbbing collision of Arabs, Greeks, Ukrainians and Russians in a relentlessly commercialised district, characterized by some amazing churches, huge houses and a general aura of money. Some splendid restaurants spill off from the main thoroughfares, while the hideous miscegenation that is Whiteley's draws in the tourists. The pubs mostly range from the abysmal to the very crowded.
Posh suburb with some delectably ancient pubs.
The Borstal of Newham.
Massive stucco-fronted mansions and a litany of embassies make for an impressive looking, if extremely dull, area.
An area still almost as chaotic as Dickens' description from the end of Oliver Twist. Disintegrating 60s mid-rise, converted warehouses, lines of Georgian cottages and filthy Victorian railway arches form an area as jumbled-up and confusing as anywhere on earth. Rewards any attempts at exploration.
Despite slowly crawling up the ladder of gentrification, the crumbling council estates that form the heart of Bethnal Green still provide the area with its distinctive character.
Weird hilltop world spreading out behind Crystal Palace, containing mansions and madmen in unequal proportions.
Gateway to the City, boasting easy access to the labyrinth of streets just below St Paul's and the fading charms of Fleet Street. The Black Friar pub is one of the best in the City.
Almost medieval village lurking at the top of Greenwich park. Walk across the heath, watch the kite flyers and pretend you’re in the sixteenth century.
Fascinating, often unspoilt Georgian streets and squares that are ideal for casual exploration. With squadrons of rich students, tourists and wannabe novelists, Bloomsbury should boast more fine drinking establishments than it actually does. Best of a sorry bunch is the Lamb, where Virginia and Leonard Woolf used to drink.
Ancient part of the capital that was once legendary for bear-baiting, prostitution and theatres. A palpable connection to bygone eras still hangs in the air, mostly through the ramshackle brick buildings, fascinating courtyards and unsteady roads. The area is home to some historic pubs (although The Tabard Inn, where Chaucer set the beginning of the Canterbury Tales, was demolished by the Victorians) as well as the Globe Theatre, the Clink Prison, an operating theatre in the roof of a church, and the justly famous Borough Food Market. Doctors, nurses and firemen galore, for those who like meeting people in uniform.
Ex-working class district that was half-flattened during the second world war, with another substantial tranche being "modernised" into mind-blowing ugliness during the sixties. Now brimming with web designers, estate agents and luxury apartments overlooking the canal, and having lost the “daddy I am sorry for you not loving me” message that was written in three-foot high letters by the railway line, things in the area are going downhill fast. The main interesting feature is Victoria Park, a much loved, kidney-shaped “green lung” for East Enders that is popular with joggers and illicitly-courting young couples.
Crumbling area that's fallen off the edge of the redevelopment map.
Over-hyped, over-cool but nevertheless fun South London district boasting its fair share of cutting-edge clubs and seedy drinking dens. Given its (somewhat undeserved) reputation, it is surprisingly upmarket outside the main streets. Has a prison, a windmill and a fridge.
Mad people, tramps, trendy artists and DJs give this area its distinctive flavour. A flavour, it must be said, that one can also find rising from a large pile of dog vomit. Bleeding edge clubs plus, erm, the terrifying Silver Buckle provide the local talent with its entertainment.
Gone are the days when Camden was the terrifying wasteland portrayed at the beginning of "Withnail and I". A combination of the sprawling market, whopping property prices and the persistent myth that Camden somehow has a happening music scene have transformed the area into a world temple for people who think they are groovily cutting edge, but who instead perpetually miss the last train to Hip Central. Kept alive by the crazed junkies, drugs dealers and prostitutes who prey off the tourists.
An area for East London connoisseurs only.
Lifeless wasteland most notable for the sinister grin of its giant plastic cat.
The geographic centre of London, boasting Trafalgar Square, the National Gallery and Pall Mall, and just a few minutes walk away from St James's Park and Bucky P. Some stunningly awful Scottish and Texan theme pubs.
It's got the best tapas bar in London, the nicest football supporters and not much else.
Pointless West London suburb that needs to be taxed to extinction
Posh bit of West London fronting the river in a very photogenic fashion.
Not only one of the richest square miles on the planet, but also the site of some seriously heterogenic pub action, incorporating everything from cellar bars to bars in skyscrapers, mouldering historic boozers hidden on back streets and cutting edge designer pubs oozing class. It's all in here somewhere.
Unspeakably hideous area of south London, populated by a gruesome alliance of dinkys, nimbys and members of parliament. Too much money, too little grace.
The busiest railway station in the UK, lots of restaurants and a few decent boozers.
Former artisan district now colonised by web designers and "noo meedja" types. There are some decent pubs if you know where to look.
A wasteland dominated by pylons, a single mouldering tower block and the big silver spaceship of the Sainsbury's Savacentre. Get back on the tube and go elsewhere.
Once a vegetable market (as lovingly portrayed in Hitchcock's crap strangler movie "Frenzy") that has now turned into a vegetable magnet, as legions of the brainless are attracted to the overpriced boutiques, overcrowded pubs and rubbish juggling acts. On the positive side, it still retains some beautiful architecture, the Punch and Judy shows in early May are terrific and an amble down the side streets rewards the curious with some idiosyncratic shops, decent restaurants and rollicking boozers.
London's very own 60s timewarp Manhattan, its much-maligned Brutalist architecture slowly emerging into critical respectability, and its council still intent on planning a high-rise future. Vibrant, with an active club scene and a growing arts circuit, Croydon delights and appals in unpredictable measures.
Kind of like an English version of Shimla, staring out across London from its lofty heights.
Legendary land of my ancestors, sporting stone-clad council houses, souped-up Ford motors and Europe's largest council estate.
Funky, on-the-rise area wedged between New Cross and Greenwich, with easy access to both. Market day is highly recommended.
East London's own version of Gotham City.
Nose-bleed posh, rammed with precocious children and paunchy adults. The art gallery's great, but the village's sole pub is way too expensive, and fills up far too quickly with rugby types.
The Hyde to Dulwich Village's Jekyll.
This is the London that the Daily Mail pretends not to know about. It's an intoxicating cultural melting pot that comes to a boil every Saturday night in the Denmark Arms.
Little Beirut. Great Middle-Eastern restaurants and cafes offer a wealth of places to eat. The pubs are all hidden away down side streets.
A concrete fetishist's paradise that would not look out of place in Novosibirsk.
Peculiar SE London wasteland.
This is one of London's most beautiful districts, especially at night when the view across the Thames is at its most enchanting. It inspires feelings of pride in being a Londoner.
Hidden behind the station is Little India, a fantastic oasis of pubs and restaurants, a few little streets of unspoilt Georgian architecture. Go explore.
This is heaven and hell with several possibilities for 24 hour drinking. Stupidly-named bars selling bland over-priced lager to over-paid, over-fed media executives and pubs opening early for Smithfield market sit at opposite ends of the drinking spectrum. Take your pick, this area has it all.
Mrs Thatcher used to be MP for the area, which tells you all you need to know about the place
Overrun with Arsenal fans and crack dens, giant houses split into warrens of little flats, blackened brick facades frowning into crazy streets, a litany of smashed road signs and terrible pubs, Finsbury Park nevertheless exerts a bizarre grip over the public imagination.
Once neglected, now feted hinterland behind Oxford Street and Tottenham Court Road. Some beautiful streets and a host of excellent pubs seem to have lifted it beyond its reputation as a Dennis Potter's iffy demi-monde.
An area made famous by Sweeney Todd and the newspaper industry. Now the newspapers have moved away and it's impossible to get a decent haircut or meat pie. The pubs aren't bad though.
Though only a mile or so from Stratford, it has yet to feel the "ripple" effect generated by its neighbour's success. It still possesses a dodgyness that cannot be defined by words alone.
Forest Hill is unusual for London areas in the fact that it does what it says on the tin: there is both a forest, and a hill, and the forest is actually on the hill. As is the child-magnet that is the Horniman Museum. Forest Hill is full of trendy late twentysomethings who think they're marvellous and who go on to have babies here, because the schools are good and the Horniman Museum is nearby.
The evil twin of Chelsea, but with more rugby fans.
Balancing on the verge between awful and slightly nice, Gipsy Hill is below Crystal Palace in both the geographical and metaphysical senses.
Like a layer of chocolate on top of a chocolate cake, Gloucester Road is, if anything, even more upmarket than the rest of South Kensington.
Bordering Mayfair, St James's Park and the Ritz, Green Park is a swanky hangout close to the many Bollywood nightclubs in south Mayfair.
A beautiful little tourist trap, with Wren's naval college opening gracefully onto the river, and thriving shopping streets and markets bustling just back from the waterfront. Greenwich has a dazzling selection of places to eat and drink, and fantastic views from the park over the rest of London.
This inner city area has extreme contrasts: from beautiful Georgian houses overlooking Victoria Park to disintegrating council estates plagued by gang violence. Despite rapid gentrification the gap in wealth makes the area a crime hotspot. Consequently, the quality of the pubs varies wildly.
Where does London end and the home counties start? It's hard to say but Ham, with no tube or train station, certainly doesn't feel like London. Some of the pubs are worth visiting, if you can actually manage to get some kind of transport there.
The town centre is basically a giant traffic island colonised by a shopping precinct and railway station. Escape instead by heading down to the Thames for a drink in one of the riverside pubs.
Although the men with big beards and pipes seem to have disappeared shortly after the fall of the Soviet Union, Hampstead maintains its reputation as a wealthy, serious, literate, left-wing oasis, feeling rather divorced from the rest of town. Generous townhouses line picturesque streets, and the Heath offers a magnificent prospect of central London.
We don't know anything about this area either.
Suburbia in the Essex borderlands betwixt Walthamstow and Chingford.
Vampires, Karl Marx, woodlands and the best record shop in London. Highgate takes some beating.
An area made famous by the notorious women's prison. Need we say more?
Fashionable in the late 90s and beloved of Nathan Barley types with silly haircuts who get paid to ride kid's tricycles around converted warehouse buildings. This edgy area comprises a collection of trendy pubs and bars surrounded by derelict buildings and a profusion of late night kebab shops. Your chances of getting mugged or pulling are about 50 - 50
The worst aspects of East London and Essex collide here in an explosion of lager, anti-social behaviour and vomit.
London's very own u-bend that has been made famous by the credits at the end of Eastenders. All but a few of the original pubs have gone.
Idyllic but almost impossible-to-reach village on the banks of the Thames.
Upper Street is the archetypal area for the Daily Mail's beloved "chattering classes" who are apparently destroying Britain with their champagne socialism, trendy liberalism and hypocritical political correctness. In reality, what this translates into is a load of posh restaurants, some antique shops, dreadful bar/club type things and roaming packs of well-heeled students. The occasional decent pub threatens to give the area a good name.
Faintly aristocratic area of South London, consisting of wide, tree-lined boulevards, interesting squares and rows of Regency and Victorian housing left largely unspoilt.
One of the richest areas of London
A proper London village with a cricketing green surrounded by pubs. Oh, and the small matter of Kew gardens, one of the most beautiful botanical spaces anywhere on the planet. So nice, in fact, that George IIIrd moved his entire court there.
The population consists of a mix of smug rich people, welfare mothers and students and the pubs reflect this. The ones in the town centre are generally OK during the day but many turn into vertical drinking establishments at night, the ones further out tend to be quite decent local boozers.
A fascinating warren of streets stretching out just off Hyde Park, brought to public attention by the modest 2 million mansion bought in the area by the Blairs. Who says that crime doesn't pay?
A carousel of idiots in search of other idiots to look stupid in front of.
Famous for being the birthplace of Alfred Hitchcock, Damon Albarn and David Beckham and for its very long High Road. All three made use of the road and left at the earliest opportunity.
Riverside district that was the site of London's first China Town. The area is now dominated by luxury apartments overlooking the Thames with more down-at-heel dwellings away from the river frontage. The area possesses some excellent pubs, particularly along Narrow Street.
An area centred frequented by commuters from Essex who use the nearby railway terminus. If you fancy popping into a pub here you need to choose your time carefully or you will be crushed in amongst shouty City Boys and wait half an hour to be served at the bar.
A district of East London situated between Stratford and Ilford centred on Romford Road. The huge City of London cemetery lies to the north. As with most of East London, pubs here are closing at an alarming rate.
Beautiful slice of the inner city. Anyone who says they don't want to live in Marylebone is lying. Magnificent pubs, restaurants, architecture and the esoteric pleasures of the Wallace Collection.
A slab of the world's most expensive real estate, Mayfair combines elegant buildings, cultured squares and some of the most exclusive clubs with excellent restaurants and the best traditional pubs found anywhere in London. Shepherd Market, in the southwestern corner of the district, is a favourite with locals, workers and tourists alike.
An area immortalised in a Pulp song about life squatting in a high rise block of flats. These days you're more likely to see students investing their loans in the advancement of alcohol studies.
An area named after the long-demolished city gate that lies close to the heart of London's financial district.
Magician John Dee used to live here back when it was a village and a day's ride away from Westminster. Now it's a faintly grubby, car-constipated suburb.
Rich lefties
Once a wasteland, and now a trendy wasteland, punctuated by two rail lines and "free-thinking" Goldsmiths College.
If the combined presence of David "Dave" Cameron, George Osborne and Damon Albarn doesn't put you off the area, the antique dealers on Portobello Road most certainly will. They have two modes: Lovejoy on speed, and Lovejoy on ketamine. Personalities notwithstanding, Notting Hill is a beautiful area to walk about, retains some vestiges of its old cultural mix and contains several cracking pubs.
Originally a picturesque village that was subsequently developed by Victorians looking to make a quick buck from the presence of the nearby Crystal Palace, Penge has acquired disproportionate fame for being home to, among others, mulletted DJ Pat Sharpe, Victorian household-sorter Mrs Beeton, Sir Thomas Crapper and one-time Prime Minister Andrew Bonar Law. Rumpole of the Bailey's greatest triumph was in the case of the Penge Bungalow Murders.
Legendary thoroughfare of giant hotels, mansions and effortlessly expensive shops. Liberal Prime Minister and doyenne of gun-boat diplomacy "Firebrand" Palmerston lived here, as did Dracula, on a site now boarded up and sinisterly dark at night.
An East London district with its fare share of inner city problems. The highlight for drinkers is The Black Lion which has links to Dick Turpin and was the regular haunt of legendary West Ham players in the 1960s.
Working class district that grew up around the docks. It is now separated from Docklands by Aspen Way and retains its own character.
The first four letters of the name pretty much sum up the population of this part of London. Richmond Hill offers panoramic views and the park is an escape from urban life. Even though it has a tube staion, it doesn't really feel like London at all.
Fantastic riverside pubs and a line of fascinating converted warehouses, fringed by some of the most iffy council estates anywhere in London.
Some houses and a railway station.
Soviet architecture-by-numbers that is strangely beloved by Guardian columnists as an example of multiculturalism, even though they all live in the posh backstreets well away from the danger of having to co-habit with any other culture.
Yawn. Shoreditch's cool is now so uncool that it's nearly cool again.
Famous meat market. Readers are referred to the stunning description of it in Oliver Twist, as Oliver is dragged across the City by Bill Sykes.
Yes, there's the sex and the gay scene, but Soho is so much more. Renowned as London's Bohemian capital, Soho revels in the curious mixture of the traditional, the alternative and the outrageous, near-empty backstreets of expensive bistros and quiet pubs next to Old Compton Street's roaring madness and full-on hedonism.
Worth visiting if only for the ludicrous Albert Memorial, a work so silly the only appropriate response is to stand there and laugh at it. For hours. There's also a range of fantastic museums, the Albert Hall and lots of engineering students. To think that in Pepys' time it was a swamp so dangerous that the esteemed diary writer refused to travel there. We have Prince Albert to thank for its transformation.
Hub of London's Portuguese community, South Lambeth is the place to dine on excellent tapas and cheap, luscious Portuguese black lager.
Crumbling Victorian and Edwardian mansions jostle with some of Croydon's worst social housing, leading to the sort of atmosphere exploited by Arthur Conan Doyle, the area's most famous resident, in his Sherlock Holmes stories. South Norwood attributes its large number of pubs to its past as a stopping point on the canal from Southwark docks to Croydon, which has since been filled in and forms the East Croydon - London Bridge rail route.
View some modern art, eat some overpriced food and say hello to Carol Thatcher.
The beautiful Huguenot terraces and old market began being torn up in the mid 1980s, to be replaced by various metal and glass boxes. Now not of any interest at all.
Once a notorious rookerie, the Victorians solved its crime problem by demolishing all the housing and putting a whacking great road through the middle of it. Now festering in anonymity, it does at least boast several decent Korean restaurants and some guitar shops. The church has a long and distinguished line of literary patrons.
Staggeringly posh region serving up its fair share of decent pubs.
Home to the architectural masterpiece of London Underground's headquarters, a Home Office building that has landed from a 1970s science fiction future and a barracks as well as the beautiful park itself.
Although the immediate environs of Wren's great cathedral get seriously rammed by tourists, there are some hidden gems in the Dickensian backstreets around Carter Lane.
Now beloved by the wealthy middle classes, "Stokey" - as it is known by some locals, has undergone massive changes in recent years. Visitors are now more likely to be run over by a buggy than by a Turkish delivery man.
East London crime hotspot turned 2012 Olympic venue. Ever since I moved away they opened a new tube line and the house prices have rocketed. Typical.
Once home to more "sauna" establishments than you could shake a used condom at, Streatham's funky art-deco apartments and generously-sized houses have dragged it into some sort of renaissance. The pubs have taken an entirely predictable dive for the worst.
Surbiton is most famous as the setting for 'The Good Life', even though it was filmed elsewhere. Probably the most interesting feature of the place is its fast train line into central London and once you've sampled the pubs here, you might want to hop on one pretty damn quick.
A peculiar combination of giant mansions, middle class suburban bliss and council estates on hills that are reached by Narnia-style paths. The pubs reflect this, ranging from the great (The Dulwich Wood House) to the horror of the grammatically challenged The Two Half's.
Beautiful lawyers' enclave, made famous by Dickens, Umberto Eco or Dan Brown, depending on your literary tastes.
Still manages to retain a village atmosphere, even though it is surrounded on all sides by the London suburbs and is now solely populated by bankers. The pubs also manage to maintain some charm.
Generous promenade that once marked the river's edge, but is now a home to top hotels, theatres and dodgy restaurants. Bookended by Trafalgar Square and Aldwych, with Covent Garden not far away, the Strand still retains some of its fin-de-siecle glamour.
An area made famous by a crap 90's boy band, a greyhound track and having the longest street market in Europe. It has retained a traditional East End atmosphere despite mass immigration and creeping gentrification.
Glimmers of a much older London remain in Walworth's lively markets, grubby streets and heroically down-at-heel taverns.
Wealthy w**kers in warehouses by the river contrast with a hidden community in the hinterland. The area possesses some great pubs whether its riverside drinking or an afternoon watching the footie you're after.
Not just a train station, but a diverse area covering tourist attractions such as the London Eye, street markets and housing estates.
A no-mans-land between the phallic Canary Wharf and down-at-heel Commercial Road.
Fascinating back streets boasting a wealth of idiosyncratic Victorian architecture and not a few decent watering holes.
Jack the Ripper and the Kray Twins haven't exactly enhanced the area's reputation. On exiting the tube station, first time visitors can be forgiven for turning around and getting back on the District Line rather than facing the assault on the senses that is Whitechapel Market. Those brave enough to remain are rewarded by some fine pubs.
Heart of the UK's government and the site of several surprisingly OK pubs.
Bipolar district. The main town - festering in a sea of traffic fumes - has the transport, the shops and the overfed yobs roving between chain pubs. The village, lording it over everything else from the top of the hill, contains giant mansions, expensive delis and pubs for those who consider themselves to be a rather superior breed.
Noted for its shopping, violence and bad pubs, Wood Green is not an area you would travel out to just for a drink.